Conrad's ALFS comments
raphael.schmid at gmx.de
Thu Aug 29 00:23:12 PDT 2002
PROGRAM! Like a KLINGON!
(by Brian Sweeney, NRL)
1. Execution speed is EVERYTHING!
2. The system library is a challenge to all those using
the computer to write their own faster and better routines
or to bow to the superior strength and skill of a true master.
3. The only code that you can trust is that written by
yourself or by your Chteas.
4. FORTRAN is used to design weapons! Other languages
have lesser uses.
5. Those who did not pass their final exam deserved to die!
6. The Final Exam of KLING U.: You have just defeated an
enemy in combat. They were strong and brave; they fought
with honor, and did not hesitate to strike the first blow!
You have beamed aboard their ship as your own is no longer
capable of supporting life or firing its weapons. All aboard
are dead, and you find that an energy surge has corrupted
the code in the main memory of the warp core magnetic
containment feedback processor. You have access to the
computer system console. You have between 10 and 20 minutes
to isolate the bad section of code and write a new control
7. CASE tools are for those whose blood does not burn with
the desire to program when they sit in front of a console!
8. The only error message that a user requires is a blank
screen and locked keyboard!
9. A true parallel computer does not contain a scalar
processing unit. The shame of producing slow runnning code
will drive lesser programmers to find a platform to which
their skills are more suited.
10. It is a mandate that all software developed for the KLING
military utilize Object-code Oriented Programming techniques.
Code which serves those who fight must be FAST and RESPONSIVE!
Documentation must provide a count of clock cycles required to
perform functions so that a commander may anticipate his ship's
every reaction. The programmer is expected to install, serve,
and, if the situation dictates, DIE aboard the ship which is
chosen to test his code.
Q'PLA! - Raphael
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