Conrad's ALFS comments

Raphael Schmid raphael.schmid at gmx.de
Thu Aug 29 00:23:12 PDT 2002


PROGRAM! Like a KLINGON!
(by Brian Sweeney, NRL)

1. Execution speed is EVERYTHING!

2. The system library is a challenge to all those using 
the computer to write their own faster and better routines 
or to bow to the superior strength and skill of a true master.

3. The only code that you can trust is that written by 
yourself or by your Chteas.

4. FORTRAN is used to design weapons! Other languages 
have lesser uses.

5. Those who did not pass their final exam deserved to die!

6. The Final Exam of KLING U.: You have just defeated an 
enemy in combat. They were strong and brave; they fought 
with honor, and did not hesitate to strike the first blow! 
You have beamed aboard their ship as your own is no longer 
capable of supporting life or firing its weapons. All aboard 
are dead, and you find that an energy surge has corrupted 
the code in the main memory of the warp core magnetic 
containment feedback processor. You have access to the 
computer system console. You have between 10 and 20 minutes 
to isolate the bad section of code and write a new control 
routine.

7. CASE tools are for those whose blood does not burn with 
the desire to program when they sit in front of a console!

8. The only error message that a user requires is a blank 
screen and locked keyboard!

9. A true parallel computer does not contain a scalar 
processing unit. The shame of producing slow runnning code 
will drive lesser programmers to find a platform to which 
their skills are more suited.

10. It is a mandate that all software developed for the KLING 
military utilize Object-code Oriented Programming techniques. 
Code which serves those who fight must be FAST and RESPONSIVE! 
Documentation must provide a count of clock cycles required to 
perform functions so that a commander may anticipate his ship's 
every reaction. The programmer is expected to install, serve, 
and, if the situation dictates, DIE aboard the ship which is 
chosen to test his code.



tlhIngan maH!

Q'PLA! - Raphael




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